4 thoughts on “Outline of a moral case for polyamory

  1. I have to completely disagree with what he says. First off, it’s very clear he starts from his conclusion and then forms his reality to fit his conclusion. He starts out by defining “love” in an extremely narrow, directed manner, with which I can’t agree, and suspect many others wouldn’t agree. Even if one subscribes to his definition, he then takes the position that monogamy is foisted upon people, and is not a conscious choice. If two people with completely free will both choose to enter into a relationship “forsaking all others”, choosing for themselves and not imposing it on the other, that can be a beautiful expression of a deep love. I will grant that this is true only if it is a choice made freely for oneself, but our society is constantly moving away from societal expectations of traditional marriage, so people are more free to make that choice than they once were.
    Third, he limits all of our choices of love to monogamy, celibacy, and polyamory. Again, this is extremely limiting as there are many more choices out there. Perhaps the author would be better served by doing more research on various forms of consensual non-monogamy so he has a broader picture of what the options are. Finally, he also needs to do some research on polyamory itself. He seems to think poly is the answer for giving people unfettered freedom, but anyone who’s done any real research knows that polyamory is full of its own commitments, agreements, and responsibilities. Most poly people don’t live in the kind of freedom he seems to be seeking. What he describes strikes me more as relationship anarchy.
    This entire piece strikes me as another one of those attempts to justify one’s own leanings toward polyamory or non-monogamy by disparaging marriage and monogamy. “Doing it right” is about helping people make the choices they need to make, for themselves, and not demeaning them for coming to different conclusions. Monogamy is a valid, moral life choice and we in the poly community need to stop putting them down – especially if we ever want any allies in broader society.


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